I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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