Is it because I queefed?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Boobs are out for the taking
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
