You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
