I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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