Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
