Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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