I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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