is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
