i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
