He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
