I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
