The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize