I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
