woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
