just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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