tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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