Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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