And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
