Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
