I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize