I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
