I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm having to shit out rocks
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