mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
