Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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