Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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