I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I believe in your delicious
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
