You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She told me I should be a condom model.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
