I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
