grandma shit on top of the toilet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.