WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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