Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?

(469): View more from Texas

Ya, why?

(972): View more from Texas

We should try that some time.

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(630): View more from Illinois

her vagine was all disorganized.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.

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(760): View more from California

blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room

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(910): View more from North Carolina

So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?

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(417): View more from Missouri

Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"

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