Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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