The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.