Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration