He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
