No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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