First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
