The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
