They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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