when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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