HIV tests are more positive than that guy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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