It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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