people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This toilet bowl is my home.
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