omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
