Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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