can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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