i don't like sucking hair
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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