you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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