i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
