So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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