he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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