I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
