I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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