the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
