Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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