They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
