FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
