fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My dick has a subreddit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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