I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
