i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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