I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
