I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
