Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
