My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
