College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
