my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
