How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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