did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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