wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
