it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
