When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
