pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
