Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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