And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
